Got Worksheets?

After running some errands this afternoon, Ben went golf shopping while I sat in the car enjoying the sun and the breeze and got a little writing done. I brainstormed a little more on the backstories of my MC and her love interest and came up with a cool idea for more world building. Later this afternoon while Ben worked hard on fixing various parts of the house and yard (what a good husband!), I typed up all the various worksheets (19 in all) I'll use throughout the First Draft process. Hmm. That means there's nothing more to procrastinate on. Gasp! I'll have to actually start tomorrow!!!

I don't know why I'm so scared about it. It's silly. I've already started. I have endless pages of notes. I'm actually like 3 months into it. I guess because I haven't been using any kind of system with my notes or doing any actual writing yet, I don't feel like I've officially started The Book yet. Stupid, I know. Brainstorming and research are important and valuable. I'm learning that. But tomorrow will be the official start, in my mind, and that makes my stomach flip flop. I'm just nervous. It's like when you've been feeling something for a while and you know you've been feeling it, but you haven't said it yet. The feeling has been real -- it's already started -- but saying it makes it somehow seem different, more real. Like a beginning, even though it's already begun. Tomorrow will be the beginning of my writing, even though it's already begun.

Or, maybe I've just been taking too much cold medicine this week and what's actually beginning is the process of me losing my mind.

Either way, tomorrow I'm tackling my character sketches. My goal for this week is to work on the character sketch worksheets and finish the backstory for my MC, which is proving to be much more difficult than I anticipated. It's like I can't quite seem to look straight at her in my mind, only out of the side of my eyes, when she doesn't realize I'm looking. Oh, she wants to tell her story -- what's happening to her now. But she doesn't want me looking too deep, getting to know her or her past too well.

Huh. That's so funny. I've been so freaked out about it until now (what does it mean? is it a sign of failure already? is she going to be a weak character? will the book fall apart? my confidence is overwhelming.) that I couldn't see what was happening. But now that I'm here writing it out, it makes perfect sense to me why it's happening. That's who she is. She has walls up for everyone in her life, doesn't want anyone looking too closely. I guess I just thought I would fall outside those rules. Guess not. Neat. I always read about writers whose characters really came alive in their minds, to the point where they sometimes had wills of their own. That always sounded like part of the magic of writing to me and I wondered if I would ever be lucky enough to experience it. Cool. (and sort of annoying, but mostly cool.)