I wake up scared, I wake up strange*

The current state of me, list-style. Lately, I've been:

1. Largely spazzing out about finishing TLOS before going to Japan in the fall. By "the fall" I mean in 56 days. By "spazzing out" I mean: wondering if the ending idea I keep flirting with will actually work; wondering if it doesn't, what the hell I'll do then; trying, futilely, to calculate how many words I'll need to finish the book and to match that against 56 days worth of daily word count goals, both herculean and possible; wondering why the fuck it isn't socially and economically acceptable to just crawl into a cave with my MacBook for the next 56 days to make sure TLOS gets finished BECAUSE JESUS, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE???

2. Listening to old music that feels new again. Breaking Benjamin has consumed me since I discovered them a few months ago. I have literally listened to almost nothing else. They're the kind of band that can make you forget there's other music out there. But lately I've been rotating in some old playlists and remembering how much I love some of the other artists on my iPod. Rediscovery is magical. (I still listen to Breaking Benjamin once a day, at least. I mean, come on.)

3. Trying to give up coffee. That started yesterday. Today I had a soy cafe mocha from Starbucks. Enough said.

4. Reading more. Holy crap, do I love to read. I recently finished Sarah Dessen's JUST LISTEN on the recommendation of Stephanie Burgis (thanks Steph!) and it was great. You should definitely check it out. Annabel's story really touched me, in ways I didn't fully realize until days later.

5. Beginning to see the new structure TLOS needs. I can't wait to get the rough draft finished so I can tear it apart. Heh. I feel bold. Well, boldish. I'm sure I know how the book needs to be written now. It's just a matter of getting it there.

6. Feeling...strange. Off. Not quite connected--to my life, my work, my friends, myself. I definitely get in moods like this from time to time, where I seem to sort of retreat to a place inside myself for a little while. This time, it seems to be sticking around and I'm not sure why. I suppose part of it probably has to do with #1 above but...I don't know. I do still feel connected to my writing and this whatever-it-is also feels like it's something moving through my creative center. Maybe something's shifting within me--some new well of creative energy is opening or some new story is surfacing. Or, yanno, maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis. We'll see.


*Lyrics from the song What a Good Boy by Barenaked Ladies. Also, part of this list.