No. Just--freaking no.

I went to see 3 Doors Down, Staind and Hinder in concert last night. The show was great--you should jump at any opportunity to see either 3DD or Staind. Really. But, sadly, that's not what I'm here to discuss.

I'm here to discuss fashion, people.

Concerts are always great for people watching and last night was no exception. Despite my preconceived notions of the type of fans who would be attracted to the line up, the crowd was fairly varied:

You had your basic concert sluts -- no surprise there. You know the gals I'm talking about. Shorts cut halfway up the ass cheeks and skimpy tank tops revealing 93.7% of their breast surface. These are the girls who believe, deep in their heart of hearts, that a member of the band will be attracted to the glaring amounts of skin like a moth to a flame, and that they'll be subsequently invited backstage to party with the band. I'll admit, this theory probably has some merit if you're seated in one of the first three rows. Back in row X of the section that butts up against the lawn seats? Maybe not so much.

Then there were a smattering of ratty looking biker folks there. Dudes with long, scraggly pony tails that are elastic-banded in multiple places (is there a name for this, er, style?) and a bandana or two. Women with feathered hair and dark under-eye-liner and too-tight tapered leg jeans which may or may not end in high top sneakers. One guy at the show looked so much like Hulk Hogan, my brother almost stopped the car.

High schoolers in their Abercrombie and Aeropostale shirts. College kids in polos and cargo shorts, usually double fisting Bud long necks. People who chose one of their statement shirts: "UPS: Unlimited Pot Smoking", "In between BAD BOYFRIENDS", "If you can't hang with the dogs, stay on the porch", etc. People wearing the concert t-shirts they clearly just purchased over whatever they originally put on (a grave offense to my husband). And people like me and my brother, wearing jeans or shorts and a regular t-shirt (mine was from Irish Kevin's bar in Key West, Dennis had on a ski t-shirt).

The girl next to me was wearing an Ann Taylor top. I know it was Ann Taylor because I own the same one in black. I wear mine to work. Yanno, when I want to look professional. I don't wear it to a rock concert. I especially don't wear it to a rock concert when my boyfriend is planning on smoking pot through the show, suffocating the people seated next to me. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Last, but not least, is our fashion tragedy for the evening:


It's a little hard to tell from this cell-phone snapped picture, but this horribly mis-led young man is wearing a fanny pack. Did I mention we were at a ROCK CONCERT? I mean, there's nothing less rock 'n' roll than a fanny pack.

Unless you have the fanny pack belted over your t-shirt. No, there's definitely nothing less rock 'n' roll than a fanny pack belted over your t-shirt.

Unless said t-shirt is a Staind shirt.

I mean, come on. Fanny pack belted OVER a Staind t-shirt, so that the shirt blouses over the goddamn thing? No. Just--freaking no.

Here endeth my fashion commentary for the evening.