Revisions Series

Remember when I was all, "Dudes, you should go check out this Maggie Stiefvater post on revisions right now"? Well, Maggie has turned it into a multi-author series (all starting from this post here). Ten authors post dissections of early and final drafts, explaining why and demonstrating how they shaped their first drafts into the final product. Very, very cool. I highly recommend all you writer-folks check it out.

This is all I ever wanted from life

There's a song on Snow Patrol's latest album called Life-ning that lists out things the singer wants from life. For example:  

Words of reassurance 
But only if they're true 
Just some simple kindness 
No vengeance from the gods

The chorus is simple: just the line "This is all I ever wanted from life" repeated.

It's a beautiful song and it's been circling my head for the last few days. I started thinking, what would Megan (the main character in TLOS) have written for her verses of this song? And what would the main characters of the book I'm currently working on write?

Understanding what motivates your characters is absolutely essential to writing a good story and crafting good character development. I make sure I understand that at a foundational level before I put any words on the page--like, what does this character want most? What is the thing that drives his/her decisions and actions? But thinking about it in terms of this song and the breadth of desires addressed in its lyrics and what I learned about the singer by listening to them brought it to a whole new level for me.

Writing mini-workshop

Do you read Maggie Stiefvater's LJ ()? Let's back up: do you read Maggie's books? I highly recommend them. In fact, two of them made my top reads of 2011 post. But anyway, back to Maggie's LJ. She wrote a post showing the first draft of a chapter from THE SCORPIO RACES and then the final draft, commenting on what revisions she made and why. She also comments extensively on the first draft version, explaining why she wrote what she did and giving some transparency into the mechanics of the scene. 

Really, really valuable stuff there. Like a mini workshop on writing. You can check it out here, if you're interested. Also, it will give you a taste of THE SCORPIO RACES. :)

The gestation of our creative thoughts

Lately, I've been really focused on a challenge I'm having with the new story idea. I can't seem to nail the conflict I need to push the story forward and I just keep circling and circling around the same few uninspired ideas. I get agitated (ZOMG WHAT IF I NEVER HAVE A GOOD STORY IDEA AGAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNN) and try to force myself to produce the solution--to simply manufacture inspiration on command. Which, of course, is silly. That's not how truly inspired storytelling is born. If I force myself to pick an idea, the chance of it being the right, the very best, idea is slim.

I am reading Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet. I think every creative person should read this book, perhaps multiple times, as I have done. Today I read the following passage:

Leave to your opinions their own quiet undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and cannot be pressed or hurried by anything. Everything is gestation and then bringing forth. To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own intelligence, and await with deep humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity: that alone is living the artist's life: in understanding as in creating.

It was exactly what I needed to hear. I've gotten exactly nowhere after two weeks of shining a spotlight on my thoughts, demanding a solution to my creative challenge. Now I will give my creative self some dark, quiet space and see what ideas take root.

Friday Five: Things I Loved This Week

1.  This blog entry from Maggie Stiefvater--specifically, the example she cites from LINGER--which was a total "Aha!" moment for me. Oh, if I had read this before I'd revised TLOS! ;) Highly recommended for all my writer friends. 

2. This blog entry about writer's block from Kristin Cashore, whose blog I just recently started reading after my deep love affair with her fantastic book FIRE. 

3. This quote, which was a usage example for Dictionary.com's word of the day earlier in the week:  "A tragic indication that even the most noble attempts to inculcate children with the basic principles of universal humanism -- that, whatever our differences, we are more alike than unalike -- will founder against the rocks of deeply held prejudices of their parents."  -- Gary Younge, "Sesame sans frontieres", The Guardian, October 14, 2002 

4. This dress, which is even prettier and more retro-50's in person, which I get to wear tomorrow night to a charity gala. I love dressing up! 

5. My red Moleskine notebook, which I have been using to make long hand notes on my new book idea. The story is developing nicely and, after a little bit of research, I'll be ready to plot.

I'm harvesting new story ideas. I love this time, so ripe with possibility. I try to open myself, my awareness, as wide as possible to allow in any glimpse of an image, any whisper of a sound that might turn into or feed a spark of idea.

I got the idea for TLOS listening to a song in Irish Gaelic and reading a sign in Spanish at the same time while riding the bus home from work one afternoon, in a period of my life just like this. That combination of the mood of the song, the quality of the afternoon light and the tangling together of Gaelic and Spanish in my mind birthed Megan, TLOS's main character. Or, more accurately, it birthed the concept of Megan. Megan, herself, changed quite a bit from that day until I typed the words 'the end.'

I'm playing with a new story concept now, one that came to me while I was watching Cirque du Soleil's Quidam this past weekend. (Incidentally, the show is great and I highly recommend it if it visits your area. The imagery is incredible.) It's...(wait for it)...another YA. I KNOW. Miss "I'll never write a YA!" is considering her second. But there it is. Like with TLOS, I go where the story takes me and this is definitely a YA story. And now that I've done it once, I'm not so afraid of it. ;)

How about you guys? Where have you gotten your story ideas?

Really valuable writing advice

Can be found over at Nathan Bransford's blog today. Seriously, people. He's got the real story over there today.

What's your story about?

We recently watched the movie Hereafter, starring Matt Damon and directed by Clint Eastwood. It was enjoyable enough--interesting premise, good performances (Damon's especially). It was a little slow and definitely character driven but I'm happy with character driven movies so I was content to see where it took me. I think Eastwood is a top notch director. I think some of his work is some of the best out there. I trusted that he would bring it all together at the end.

Unfortunately, I was disappointed.

***WARNING: Here be spoilers!***

The movie centers around Matt Damon's character, George, who can communicate with the dead a la John Edward or Suzanne Northrop. The way he connects with the particular spirits linked to a person is by touching the person with his hands. In fact, any time he touches someone with his hands, he immediately connects with a related dead person and begins receiving that spirits messages. Awkward! Imagine: poor George brushes your fingers while he's paying you for the coffee he just bought and suddenly your dead mother is in his head, begging him to deliver a message--likely an apology for some intimate, personal moment George really doesn't need to know about you, given the fact he doesn't even know your name. George once made a living doing readings but it consumed him and he quit, instead taking up a more "normal" life as a factory worker. The film does a good job showing how his ability is a curse as well (or instead of) a gift and showing that all George wants is to have a simple, normal life.

This is what Hereafter's story is about: George's struggle to find a way to either accept or overcome his ability and achieve a "normal" existence.

Naturally, part of a "normal" existence for George includes a romantic interest. The movie does devote a fair amount of time to showcasing George's painstakingly careful attempt to embark on a normal relationship with a very cute, sweet girl, played by Bryce Dallas Howard (whom I just LOVE!), and it's inevitable crash and burn when she forces him to do a reading for her. But there is no question that the story is about George's life as a whole--not just his love life.

Interspersed with George's story is the story of a reporter halfway around the world, Marie LeLay (played by Cecile De France), who gets a glimpse of the hereafter (see what they did there?) and becomes obsessed with her experience. We see her relationship and career fall apart in the wake of her search for an answer to the timeless question of what happens when you die.

(There is also a third storyline of a boy who loses his twin brother but that's neither here nor there for the purpose of this blog entry so I'm not going to discuss it.)

Eventually and, I'm sorry to say, quite predictably, Marie and George meet and when George accidentally touches her hand--gasp!--he is not contacted by dead spirits! At last he has found a woman with whom he can have a "normal" relationship! Now, don't get me wrong. My heart broke for George over and over in this film, and even once for Marie as well. I was thrilled to see them find each other. But I was also ready to see the rest of the story.

And then the credits rolled.

Oh, Clint. What were you thinking? You forgot what your story was about. Hereafter was about George's *life*, not just his love life. Great! He found a partner! He's going to get laid for perhaps the first time in thirtywhatever years! I'm so happy for him! But how is he going to make a living? Will he come to terms with his ability? Will he go back to giving readings? Will he ever see his ability as a gift as well as or instead of a curse? Will he repair his relationship with his money-hungry brother, who was so obsessed with the fame and fortune to be gained by his ability? These are the questions that needed to be answered. George's story was not about finding a girlfriend, it was about finding peace within himself. And, unfortunately, that story was never finished.

I found myself thinking about this in regards to my writing, especially in light of my recent revelations about TLOS and the work I'm doing with my revisions. As a reader, the only stories I truly love are the ones where the author really gets what the story's about. As a writer, I'm working hard to get that right. It feels like a lot of blood, sweat and tears sometimes but when I have experiences like I did with Hereafter, I know it's totally worth it.

Good things come to those who wait

I'm very, very happy to say that, after two freaking years of writing this book, I have finally, finally, figured out what I am actually supposed to be doing with my main character. *big sigh of relief*

It's possible I've posted something similar to this before but this time I mean it. Like, fer realz. I have learned a million things while writing this book but the biggest and most valuable--and hardest--is how to really revise a book. I definitely didn't get that with my first book. I couldn't shake this sense of permanence once I'd laid the words down on the page and the idea of unraveling them and weaving them back together in a new, albeit better, way was out of reach for me at that time.

This is not to say that I'm perfect at revisions now and I have nothing more to learn. Oh-ho-ho no. I still feel like a kindergartner when I sit down at my keyboard, most days. But at least now I understand what it takes to really improve a book and how much potential is still lying in wait after the first blush of the rough draft--even if that first draft is really good.

One of the final things I've really been struggling with is Megan's character arc. I knew it hadn't reached its full potential and I even knew where I needed to take her in order for her and the story to really come full circle and pack more of a literary punch. I just couldn't figure out how to make that happen, not without adding, like, 20,000 more words into a story that was already bumping up against the upper limits of word count guidelines.

Today, I did. The hilarious thing? It's not even hard! It doesn't even require many words! *jumps up and down* I am so freaking happy an relieved. You know how you sometimes get that sense of rightness when you're writing? Where you can feel a piece of your story slide into place and you can almost hear an audible click? Yeah. That. :D

By the time I start querying this sucker, it will have taken me about two years to write and revise it. It feels like an eternity. I've almost given up three times now, no joke. But I honestly wouldn't change a thing about my journey with this story. I've learned so much and, sometimes, I really think you just need some time to sort things out.

Perfect...and perfectly wrong

Do you ever come up with a line that just perfectly captures what you were trying to say...only it's completely wrong for the character who needs to say it? Damn, I hate that.

This basically falls under the heading of "kill your darlings" but it's so hard to do--especially when it's a struggle to come up with something equally succinct.

In this case, I have my 16 year old main character saying to herself, "Except that’s not really true anymore, is it? The life you want now is made of more than just the quieting of your old fears."

That second line absolutely, utterly, perfectly captures what I'm trying to say. But I'm pretty sure there isn't a 16 year old on the planet who talks like that. *facepalm*

Goodbye, darling.

Another revision technique that's working for me

I'm just dashing through in between xmas shopping and more work on revisions. I hate how this season compresses my time. I start to feel claustrophobic. I haven't been able to keep up with many blogs lately, because I've been having to make careful choices about how I spend my time and, so far, revisions has been winning out when it should. (Go me!) But I miss knowing what's going on with everyone! I'll be back to a normal schedule after the holidays, I hope.

Anyway. Revisions.

I had to do some pretty serious re-plotting as a result of my wonderful revelation and I was having a hard time (per usual!) untangling sub plots so I could get a clear picture of what to cut and move to the second book, and then what to layer into this book to complete it.

This is the hardest thing about revisions for me: I can think and talk all day long about what I want to do and what needs to be done, but when it comes time to actually parse out the words, I have a TERRIBLE time unstitching the scenes and then stitching them back together again. It's like my brain can't process them as anything more than a quilt now (to carry on the sewing metaphor), rather than a bunch of individual squares pieced together.

Drives me bonkers.

So, anyway, I tried this new thing. (Well, new to me.) I took one plot line at a time and just wrote it through on a piece of paper. (Well, on a virtual sticky note. God, I love Stickies.) For example, let's say this is part of my story*:

John sees his friend Sally having coffee with the stunningly attractive Jane.
Walking home from the coffee shop, John notices he's being followed by a man in a purple turban.
The next day, John asks Sally for Jane's phone number.
John and Jane talk on the phone that night and set a date for dinner.
John wakes up to find his car has been broken into. A scrap of purple cloth is on the ground near the car.
John and Jane have their date. They kiss.

With my new technique thingy, I would separate out the dude-in-the-purple-turban plot line from the romance plot line. So the purple turban plot line Stickie would look like this:

Walking home from the coffee shop, John notices he's being followed by a man in a purple turban.
John wakes up to find his car has been broken into. A scrap of purple cloth is on the ground near the car.

While the romance Stickie would look like this:

John sees his friend Sally having coffee with the stunningly attractive Jane.
The next day, John asks Sally for Jane's phone number.
John and Jane talk on the phone that night and set a date for dinner.
John and Jane have their date. They kiss.

Make sense? I'm sure everyone in the universe already does this and I'm just late to the game, but I'm finding this IMMENSELY helpful. So I thought, I'd share it. Just in case. :) It's really helping me to see where I have holes or multiple scenes that are really serving the same purpose or where each particular plot line may be sagging, etc. I'm just not able to get that kind of perspective with them all sewn together.

*Note: TLOS has no purple turbans in it. There's quite a bit of kissing, though.

Rules? We don't need no stinking rules.

I saw this quote on a sign in a catalog today and let me tell you, if I had an official space where I wrote, I would hang this right above said space:

"There are no rules here. We're trying to accomplish something." --Thomas Edison

Holy cow, is this an important idea where writing is concerned. All art and creative endeavors, really. And, apparently, science too. In the creation stage of any project, I think it's absolutely essential to be able to let go of rules and conventions. The degree to which this happens varies with each creator, of course. But if you try to contain the passion and the fire, the explosions and alchemical reactions that happen during the creative process within rules and conventions and boundaries, they are stifled. Yes, your draft (in the case of writing) may be much neater and more organized and look closer to a finished product... but have you really accomplished the thing you set out to?

Let me be clear: I am not advocating crazy, random, free-association rough drafts. (Though, you know, if that works for you, super.) But the idea contained in Edison's quote -- the importance of freedom and room for an idea to grow and play and be wild and be explored -- really struck me as utterly essential to the type of writing I want to create. The writing that circles your heart with its fist. That kind of writing isn't born in rules.

I also want to be perfectly clear that I believe rules have their place in the writing process, as do convention and boundaries and the idea of process, itself. They just come into play later. I've posted about this many times before so I won't go into it too much here, but an example would be worldbuilding. You must define your world and then you simply must adhere to the laws you have defined. You simply. Must. This is a rule that I rarely, possibly never, forgive as a reader (or, I guess as a writer).

That being said, there are always (always!) exceptions to the rule. And that's why Edison's quote is so brilliant and why that rule-free (or rule-reduced) space is important in the creative process. You never know when doing it the "wrong" way is going to be exactly the "right" way.

I could talk about this all day. I won't. Instead, I would encourage you to pick up a book or audio CD by Clarissa Pinkola-Estes. I think she would have quite a bit to say on this topic, as well. :)

Oh thank goodness

I had a revelation about my revisions today. WOOOOO!!! Thank god. I mean, it's the kind of revelation that means I'll be hacking out a good third of the book at least and rewriting about half of what's remaining but really, what's a thousand hours of bleeding on the keyboard in the name of a better story?

Turns out? I have two books crammed into one. AS I HAVE LONG SUSPECTED. *nods wisely* It just took me a while to figure out where the first book ended and the second book began. Which is sort of the same as dividing a plate of spaghetti, when you get right down to it, but I've mostly gotten it straightened out in my head now. Also, (added bonus!) I now have a pretty concise three book arc. Boo-yah! I loves me a series, I do.

The last loose end to tie up before I fire up the chain saw is to reinvent my antagonist*. He was a lion when I imagined him and I wrote him as a lamb. That's NOT HELPFUL. So, I have to figure out how to lionize him again (what?) and then I'll be ready to roll up my sleeves and dig in to the dirty work.

*marches off humming victory tune* *wearing mountain lion hat, natch*


*I feel I should mention that I first typed the word 'villain' here, mostly because I love that word and the images it conjures and prefer it to stuffy literary terms like 'antagonist.' But... it's just not quite an apt description for this dude or the role he plays in my story or my main character's life, so I changed it to antagonist. And I find that, itself, interesting. Perhaps that's why I had the whole lion-to-lamb deflation to begin with. *strokes chin thoughtfully*

That's a wrap!

I pronounce this draft of The Language of Silence done. *thud*

TLOS zero draft stats:

Began writing: 7/30/09 (though the thinking and planning began well before that)
Finished writing: 9/20/2010
Word count: 101,100 (damn it, should've written one more stinking word!)
Number of times I almost gave up entirely on the damn thing: At least 3
Number of times I thought it was the most genius thing ever written: At least 300
Number of ways I pushed myself out of my comfort zone: Let's see, how many words were there...?
Overall status: A hot mess.

Let's analyze, shall we?

Timeline: My main goal was to write my next book in a year or less. This one still came in at over a year, so I missed that mark. I'm disappointed but it's much more important to write a good story than it is to write a fast story, especially when I don't have an external deadline. And I did work really hard on telling this story right.

Word count: Waaaaaaay too high for a YA. However, about 3/4 of the way through the book I realized that I was really at what structurally needed to be the middle of the book, so I kept writing through to the (new, real) end. So in rewrites I have to smooth all of that out and probably hack off the beginning. And actually write the last big scene because I ended up having to leave it at detailed plot notes because of everything that will change in rewrites (see "Hot Mess" below). It'll all work out. I swear. Bottom line: The final product needs to be shorter, preferably by about 20K.

Doubts: Oh, yes. The doubts. I've never challenged myself like I did with this book, and it showed. My confidence was like a ping pong ball -- one day I was writing the next NYT best seller, the next it was utter, laughable crap and I was wasting my time. Ultimately, I think I have something really good (or, at least, I will after I fix everything in the magic of rewrites!) and I'm really proud of what I've done. We'll see how long that holds up. ;)

Hot mess: The term "zero draft" isn't one I've used before in relation to my own work but oh lawd does it ever apply to this manuscript. As I mentioned above, the narrative structure ended up shifting about two thirds of the way through the book. THIS IS NOT HELPFUL. I mean, it is because the book will be a zillion times better now that I've had this genius revelation but holy crap this draft is a mess. I basically just kept writing forward, focusing on what the new structure needed to be like. The central theme of the book also changed. Twice. *facepalm* Like I said, it's a hot mess. But, at the end of the day, the book as it exists in my mind (and, somewhat, on the page) is a much better book than the one I started out writing. MUCH better. Right now, though, it's a little bit of a Frankenstein draft. (Or, rather, Frankenstein's monster's draft. Or whatever.)

Bottom line: Rewrites are going to be difficult but well worth it. (Read: ZOMG THEY MIGHT KILL ME but maybe I'll get an agent with this one...?)

Next steps: Ignore said draft until November. Re-read with fresh eyes. Make magic.

Breaking it down

Have you seen the movie Seven Pounds? It came out in 2008, stars Will Smith, Rosario Dawson, Woody Harrelson, and others. It's difficult to describe without spoiling things. Here is the description from IMDB: An IRS agent with a fateful secret embarks on an extraordinary journey of redemption by forever changing the lives of seven strangers. Will Smith's performance is extraordinary and heartbreaking, as is the story itself. It's a movie I learned from, both as a writer and a human being. It's the writer part I want to talk about right now.

The story is told in a very particular way, feeding the audience bits and pieces of information only as they become necessary, so that when the critical moment of the story comes, the audience has everything s/he needs to understand the full impact of what is happening and the reverberations back to everything that has happened before, while getting the maximum punch-to-the-gut, rending-the-heart emotional kapow.

In short: the movie is lean. There are (imo) no extraneous scenes, no wasted lines of dialogue--even the cinematography was what I would term as 'spare.' The story is stripped down to the absolute essentials--to its core--and then laid bare for the audience to see. Perfect.

Don't get me wrong. There is a lot of drama going on--outrageous, tragic, melodramatic circumstances, the sort Nicholas Sparks novels are made of. But the way the story is told is so dressed down, it all just works.

And I've been giving that a lot of thought. About how this would have been an easy movie to dress up in a lot of cinematic music and sweeping shots and minutes-long emotionally charged scenes laden with dialogue between Will Smith and his brother, Will Smith and his friend, Will Smith and everyone else in the movie.

And that movie would not have been perfect. It might have been okay, or even pretty good, because the story, itself, is compelling, no matter how many layers you smother it in. But definitely not perfect.

So I realized...I think maybe I do that--that smothering, that layering on--with my writing. I feel the emotion, the drama, the urgency of my stories so acutely that I wrap the story in words upon words upon words, just trying and trying to get my point across. (Probably like these godsdamned long blog posts.) (Shit, probably like that very sentence.) When sometimes, it's better to break it down, instead. To lay things bare. To leave them raw and exposed. Lean.

This has really been circling my brain lately. This idea, along with the importance of using the right words. And how, if I can combine those two ideas, well hot damn. That'd be something worth reading.

Holy hell, that was rough

Aaaaaaand we're back. I made my writing goal today for the first time in... *checks trusty Word Count Spreadsheet of Doom*...jesus, nine days. *shudder* I was having a difficult time navigating some pretty intense emotional fallout from The Big Scene, particularly in light of the way it changed my MC. It turns out the solution was to sit back, take a deep breath, and do a re-read of the last quarter or so of the book. I've been writing way down in the weeds, you know? Only 500 words a day, but really working those words, making sure they're the right ones, etc. Which is lovely and satisfying and giving me a splendid writing workout and producing second draft material during the first draft...but it also means I'm having a hell of a time seeing the forest through the trees. The re-read was just what I needed to get a handle on my MC again, and the relationships she's developed so far. Now, I think I've got a better understanding of how to get through this next section of the book. PHEW.

Also? I am wretched when I can't write. Which, to be honest, I sort of love. ;) I love the need of it, you know? The drive and passion. Makes it feel real. I'm not sure I can say the same for my husband, though. LOL!

So, yeah. Gotta go. Word Count Spreadsheet of Doom says I owe myself 3,000 words...

Musings on Economy of Scale

Thanks so much to everyone who cheered me on (and congratulated my word count!) during my Sunday Write-A-Thon yesterday! I lurve to spend a day with nothing on the agenda but words, so yesterday was a lot of fun. Mostly. But we'll get to that in a moment.

As I've mentioned, I'm on a 500-words-a-day goal for this book. I pushed myself harder for my last book, partly because I felt I should simply because Other People Could (dumb) and partly because I was writing adult and writing long, which meant that most days I felt like I would never freaking finish!!! (Final word count on that one ended up at 118K, though I've come to terms with the fact that it needs a good rewrite.)

Somewhere along the way of writing that book, I lost my sense of balance. I became too focused on getting published and forgot about all the living I needed to do in the intervening years. Family and friends would invite us out and, I swear, my gut reaction was a sort of keening noise followed by the thought, "But that time could be spent writing!"

Yeah. That's not how you stay sane, people. Not as an unpublished writer, anyway. If you've got deadlines to meet, that's a different story.

With this book, I'm trying to keep the pendulum swinging in a tight range more or less at the middle of the time management arc: words written every day at a pace that will get the book finished sooner rather than later, but will still allow me enough time for novel activities such as: reading! spending guilt-free time with my husband, family, and friends! having--gasp!--free time occasionally!

So far, it's working. :D

I found yesterday's Write-A-Thon interesting on a couple of fronts, though: A. I was absolutely certain I would benefit from an economy of scale by writing for a whole day--and I didn't and, B. even when I love writing, I sometimes don't love writing.

A. Monday through Friday, I typically get my 500 or so words in in about an hour and a half, total: two twenty minute bus rides, plus forty or so minutes of my lunch hour, plus maybe a half hour or so at night. All of those sessions have what we in the Process Engineering biz (my Day Job!) call "process fragmentation" costs associated with them, so I'm not fully capitalizing on any of the timeframes I mentioned. I'm starting up and shutting down my laptop, I'm remembering where I last left off, etc.

I thought that if I wrote for a whole day, largely uninterrupted, I would write at a rate faster than 500 words per 90 minutes. Turns out? Not so much. I wrote 2709 words in about eight hours, but during that time I took breaks for lunch and snacks, and read several chapters of a book when my motivation flagged. Loosely rounding, i still wrote at about 500 words per 90 minutes. I think. Honestly, I'm really bad at math, so I could be embarasing myself here. But anyway, assuming I'm right, I found that statistic both extremely interesting and somewhat disappointing.

This book wants to be written thoughtfully and carefully. I get it. :)

B. I'd started the day with a 2k word goal in mind. Once I checked my trusty spreadsheet, I realized I needed to write closer to 3K to get even with myself. Over the course of the day, I ranged the gamut (wtf does that mean, anyway??) from "I'M GOING TO OWN YOU, WORD COUNT GOAL! YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIT YOU BY THE TIME THIS DAY IS THROUGH!!" to "Okay, this is good. I'm doing fine. Slow and steady wins the race." to actually saying these words out loud to my husband: "There's no way I'll make 2688 but I'm determined to at least hit 2K."

The most interesting thing, to me, was that it wasn't a straight progression, which I could at least chalk up to fatigue. I was up and down and all over the place. I know that I hit an easy patch (meaning the words were flowing and I got caught up in the story) right around 2200 that carried me right up until the end. I checked my word count in the middle of that and I knew I'd make my stretch goal for the day--and at that moment, I felt like I could write 3K! No, 4K! TEN THOUSAND WORDS WOULD BE MINE!!!!

That was crazytalk, natch, but I did have a little rush of motivation there at the end. I just find it so interesting that no matter how deeply I love the holistic art of writing, the act, itself, continues to be a struggle at times. I think that's a mind-bendingly odd concept, but it's one I need to remember for when I hit those rough patches along the way.

Finding the time

I've had WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much wine tonight, so it's better to just point you to this very important message from Anne Lamott (via Kaz). Please read and take to heart.

<3,
me.

Don't try so hard

I re-read an old journal of mine last night. It was an interesting experience in many ways but one of the things I was most conscious of were the differences in my writing style in the various entries. Sometimes it was obvious that I was trying to Make Pretty Werdz and, honestly, the writing was better when I was just writing from my heart and not worrying about making it sound good. It was clear in the entries with the best writing that I was only focused on using the right words to succinctly convey the thoughts and emotions I was feeling.

It was a great checkpoint. In today's TLOS writing sessions, I made sure I kept things simple and that I was getting to the heart of the matter with the words I was using -- even if they weren't the most shiny, frou-frou, isn't-this-sentence-purty choices.

On Compulsions, Senselessness of

There are some things I know about writing: that every writer has his or her own process and one writer's process will not work for another, that there are no short cuts in this business, and so on.

And yet, I am still compelled to ask the pointless questions: Where did you get that idea? How do you write such great sentences? Do you plot or pants? Please, won't you tell me how you did this...?

It is a source of continual frustration. I am always looking for the short cut in my core, no matter how much I believe there aren't any and no matter that I know the great stories I aspire to are either in me or they're not--and if they are they'll only be refined by writing them again and again and again.